


"SHOCKING EVIDENCE! Inside Source Reveals: CAP WAS HYDRA ALL ALONG!" National ENQUIRER, May 2016

by RosaLui



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: #SayNoToHYDRACap, Crack, Gen, News Media, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Social Media
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2018-07-10 08:39:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6975949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RosaLui/pseuds/RosaLui
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i><b>MSNBC Nightly News:</b> WWII Veteran, Longtime Friend of Steve Rogers, and Former HYDRA POW James Buchanan Barnes Calls </i>Enquirer<i> Article "The biggest ******* pile of bull**** I have ever ******* been made to see with my own two god**** eyes."</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	"SHOCKING EVIDENCE! Inside Source Reveals: CAP WAS HYDRA ALL ALONG!" National ENQUIRER, May 2016

**Author's Note:**

> My only input on the situation before I continue ignoring this bullshit for the rest of forever.

_"SHOCKING EVIDENCE!"_   The front page screamed.

Sam Wilson stopped mid-jog, the toe of one sneaker dragging on the pavement. He didn't _have_ to turn back and read it - could go on with what had been a nice, peaceful, productive day -

With great reluctance, he bent to eye the splashy newspaper where it lay abandoned on the ground, soaked in dirt and last night's rain.

" _SHOCKING EVIDENCE!_   _Inside Source Reveals: CAP WAS HYDRA ALL ALONG!"_ The title was printed in red and black, and someone with a startling lack of Photoshop skill had swapped the 'A' on Steve's helmet for an evil octopus.

Using the tread of his shoe, Sam gingerly flipped to the next page.

_"_ _AREA MAN STUCK IN PORT-A-POTTY FOR 254 DAYS! Learn how he survived! CLUE: ALIENS!"_

Right. It was the _Enquirer_.

* * *

**The All-American FOX News Morning Show:** _New Evidence Proves Internationally Wanted Vigilante and Ex-Avenger Steve Rogers to be a Longtime Traitor, Explains 'Cap's' Seditious Behavior, Radical Views on Immigration, Vocal Advocacy of Gays in Military...._

* * *

**Full Frontal With Samantha Bee:** _FOX News Accidentally Implies that Nazis are Pro-Gay and Soft on Immigration  
_

* * *

"The _Enquirer _?__ "  Steve's frown was audible all the way from Wakanda. "That trash paper is still around?"

"'Still'?"

"It got into trouble for spreading fascist propaganda the year before Buck and I left for the war." Steve's voice changed from 'mildly bemused' to 'This Right Here Is Some Bullshit.' "I guess the charges didn't stick. What are they saying this time?"

"That you're a Nazi, and have been since before you went into the ice," Sam said. He heard Steve take ten slow, deep breaths. "Sorry, man. You alright?"

"Everything's fine," said Steve, followed by the sound of him punching a wall.

* * *

fyeahwwiihist:

> **57 1/2 reasons captain steve rogers is not hydra**
> 
> this is a ludicrous thing to even have to post but here goes lol
> 
> [Keep Reading]

* * *

James Barnes was seated in front of a battered laptop, brow furrowed and shoulders hunched. He looked up and froze as Natasha entered the room, his fingers curled on the keyboard.

"Barnes," Natasha said slowly, "please tell me you're not on a blog somewhere being Angry on Steve's behalf."

"No," Barnes scoffed, then slammed his laptop shut so hard that the top cracked slightly. "What's a blog?"

* * *

**MSNBC Nightly News:** _Blogger Claiming to be WWII Veteran, Longtime Friend of Steve Rogers, and Former HYDRA POW James Buchanan Barnes Calls_ Enquirer _Article "The biggest ******* pile of bull**** I have ever ******* been made to see with my own two god**** eyes."_

* * *

>   **Jim Morita** @thejowlingcommando    May 21
> 
> _exmotherfuckingscuse YOU? #saynotohydracap #suckmyassboyo_
> 
> 12.6K Retweets     562 Likes

 

> **FANonymouse3** @crocpotroca    May 25
> 
> _@NatEnquirer somewhere in hell the red skull is like 'well thats a bit harsh'  
>  _
> 
> 153 Retweets     57 Likes

   

>   **gobblegabba** @amherstorbust     May 26
> 
> _IF SROGERS WAS A NAZI THEY"D HAVE WON THE FCKKING WAR NYOU DUMBASSES #SAYNOTOHYDRACAP  
>  _
> 
> 24 Retweets     3 Likes

 

> **IAmIronMan** @therealtonystark     May 26
> 
> _@NatEnquirer @FoxNews Disgustingly out of line._
> 
> 25.7K Retweets     1.5K Likes

* * *

**CNN Constant Update:** _....resigns from National Enquirer, admits to hoax. Wakanda to host world's first AfroVision Contest. Steve Rogers and Tony Stark reportedly reconcile...._

**Author's Note:**

>   
> [Tumblr](http://rosalui.tumblr.com/post/144961578343/shocking-evidence-inside-source-reveals-cap-was) l [LJ](http://rosalui.livejournal.com/120509.html)  
> 


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